The Quieter Voice

I have this sister who once in my life was probably my greatest enemy. 

We just did not understand each other.

We borrowed each others clothes, shared a room, 

she read my journals and left funny notes in them to let me know she read them.

We were teenagers together and just loved to be in each others space.

There was a time where we tried growing up and sharing an apartment which was fun and I think the start of a great friendship.  However, there were still some harsh feelings and we hadn't completely mended them until years later when she and I were pregnant together, had little girls months apart from each other and really starting understanding each other.

Now, she is easily one of my best friends.

We talk several times a week if not every day, cheer each other on, and let our kids make silly faces with their cousins.

She lives a long way away, and I really hope one day that the Universe will allow us to be neighbors.  I love her.

She has been through a lot in her life, and has become a very inspirational person to me.

She believes in me, encourages me and helps me want to be a better me.

Today we were talking about a few things, how we have measured our success as mothers, wives, women and where we are in our life.

Have we become who we thought we were when we were kids?

Are we allowing ourselves the opportunities we need to be better?

What are we doing to better ourselves and help the world be better?

THOSE kinds of questions.

We hung up the phone, she texted me a small list of good books she's been inspired by and I hopped in the shower.

Then this thought came.

You know the kind that is almost too quiet to hear, but you do?

The thought that said, "You can do this! You will succeed!"

Then almost instantly a louder voice said,

"But WHAT IF YOU FAIL?"

It got me thinking that there are SO many times in my life that I have let the louder voice win. The loud voice that scoffs at me, (yes in my head), says 

"no way", 

or "do you really think you can do THAT?"

And then my reasoning goes like this,

"You're right. That'll be hard.

And I'll probably change my mind and not want to do it anymore..."

And then I go about my way finding something else that I think I'd love,

and then watch the cycle repeat itself.

You all may think I have schizophrenia with all these voices I have,

rest assured I don't.

But I do have an inner battle with the loud voice and quieter voice.

I believe I was carved out of excellence.

I have always done something and succeeded because its what I do.

(Insert humble voice even though it doesn't sound this way)

If I wanted something to happen, I'd do it.

But lately, I have been feeling like I have been waiting for something to happen.

You know the thoughts that go,

"When 'X' happens, then 'Y' will happen which means endless happiness"

Honestly, I am getting really tired of waiting for 'X' to happen.

I'm tired of letting the louder voice win!

SO my goal is to focus on the quieter voice.

The one that has been faded by doubt.

The voice that has been pushed aside because of fear.

The voice that BELIEVES in me.

I know it sounds nuts,

but until you are at the point that I am at in my life, 

just trust me when I say I'm not nuts.

I'm just ready for greatness.

I'm ready to BE, to DO, and to LOVE IT!!

Great things are going to happen to me because I am gonna make them that way!

You may not see it,

but I'm gonna feel it!
And I want my kids to see that.
I want them to make that quieter voice the winning one.

My challenge to you?

Find one thing you want to do to be a better you!

If thats eating more carrots,

painting on a blank canvas,

picking your nose less (preferably in public),

or connecting to family,

DO IT!

And post below and tell me what you are gonna do!!