Talk[ing] Dirty to Me

You all know that song, right?

(if you don't, its ok, don't listen to it)

I have had this on my mind lately and I feel its important enough to share as I feel I am probably not the only one thinking it.

The other day, I had just finished a workout, I had no makeup on and I was out with my kids who just needed to get some wiggles out.

We were riding bikes and I seriously had no problem being outside without makeup on or my hair in a frizzy ponytail because I knew I wasn't going to really see anyone.

But then what happens? 

Yep, I saw someone I know.

Actually 2 people.

Instantly I felt and thought,
 "I look like a pile of crap.
And I stink.
And my house is a giant mess.
And I knew I should've stayed inside!"

Trying to hide behind my shades, as I spoke with this person I admire, 

I saw that she had no judgment towards me.

She didn't care that I looked terrible,

at least she didn't put out any vibes that made me feel like I was being judged.

And then the thought I wanted to share is,
"If she doesn't care, then why do I?"

That thought has been resonating with me,

and it has led me to think that I am my own worst enemy.
I have set myself up for self detonation!

When I feel fat, or out of shape,

when I feel ugly,

when I feel like makeup makes me more beautiful,

when my wardrobe is just no longer tolerable and I have NOTHING to wear,

I've learned that I physically start to feel sick.

It is just a vicious cycle and here it goes,

"I look fat today."

which leads to

"I have nothing to wear!"

which leads to

"I am ugly. I need to go put on my makeup"

which leads to

"I am being a bad mom because I don't want anyone to see me when I look like this so I'm not going anywhere!"

which leads to

"I am a terrible wife because I didn't have dinner done by 5:30"

which leads to

"I'm a terrible person because I am not organized like pinterest says I should be"

which leads to 

"I should workout and eat so I can look like that!"

which leads to

"I'm a terrible person! I need to go back to bed!"

SEE?!

Sad right?

But here is what I've learned.

When I wake up and walk into my bathroom,

I look in the mirror and say, "Good morning Alicia! You look beautiful!"

Then magically, I have a good hair day, 

I have a good workout,

I have a good time playing with my kids,

and my husband thinks I look nice.

I'm not on edge because I hate myself,

I'm more patient with my kids and my hubby.

I feel good about myself because I just did good for myself.

Here is my motto:
FEEL GOOD, DO GOOD.

I may not be 100% awesome everyday and have a clean house all day,

Nor are my children golden and perfect, shiny and clean.

But I'm not miserable.

I don't feel miserable because I walked passed that full body mirror.

I'm not tearing myself down and avoiding doing the important things

because suddenly I am exhausted because that's how I look and made myself feel.

So what's my point?

Stop talking dirty to yourself.

Stop beating yourself up!

If I were to see you without makeup on and in sweat pants,

I probably wouldn't think twice about it and probably just be a little jealous that you look so good dressed down!

Enough with the "I NEED to go put on my makeup!

I have NOTHING wear!

I feel FAT."

Because you know what, it's just not true!

You are beautiful.

You are inspiring.

And you are more than you think you are!

Talk beautifully to yourself.

You owe it to yourself.