Boogers on my shoulders

Last night, or I guess I should say this morning, I crawled into bed, exhausted and frustrated, and said, "I am SOOO done! I am done being a mom!"  I knew I didn't mean it, but at that moment in time, I was done.  I then nudged Trevor as if passing off the reins and he knew it was his turn to take Ryker.  So I write this post to redeem myself from my awful claim of being done.  

See, I love LOVE love being a mom! I love it more than I could have ever dreamed!  I love the quiet moments when both kids are happy and I am well groomed, make up done and my house is clean. I feel accomplished.  Its those incredibly rare moments that make me feel like, "I can do this! I can have 4 more kids!"  and then I laugh cause that thought only lasts 2.2 until I try and sneak in a cat nap...which is also rare.

Side note: Let me explain my incredibly picky toddler and maybe you moms out there can send some advice my way.  If Ryker doesn't eat, he is MEAN! Like super mean and SO whiny.  He whines over EVERYTHING!  If he doesn't eat dinner, then he wakes up at 3 or 4 am SCREAMING bloody murder along with the side of MEAN!  So I try and make sure he fills up on anything I can get in his little tummy before bedtime so he sleeps good and wakes up happy.  Unfortunately he is super picky.

Throwing a tantrum in the hospital...
but this is how it usually looks.

Once upon a time, he was a great eater! THE END! Then he became an independent toddler and now he will ask for a particular food (after I've offered what I made over and over), I'll give it to him, he'll take a bite and spit it out.   ???  I am so stumped.  If I offer him something else, he won't even look at it.  He won't even taste it!  I've been praying my brains out that he'll be open to trying things, but Heavenly Father I guess has something for me to learn.  I've even tried the, "if you don't eat, you go to bed hungry..." which takes me to my previous paragraph...Mr Meany.

So I'm in a bit of a dilemma.  If he doesn't eat, he wakes up SUPERMAN MEAN...and wont go back to bed until he wears himself out, which is usually about the time I need to get ready to open the office...

Ok, my vent is over.  I think you got the idea...Ryker doesn't eat which leads to him not sleeping well which leads to a little mean boy which leads to an overtired, over exhausted mama!  On to my redemption.

Look! 

Its the moments like now, where I have peapod in her swing, and little man still in his Thomas the Train jammies, coming up and slapping me, grabbing my keyboard and trying to type my post for me, that I cherish.  Its the moment when I look like my brother because I have no makeup on and my wet hair slicked back.  Its the times that drive me absolutely crazy that I can cherish...because I feel like Heavenly Father is saying, "You are ready to learn something new!"  Even though I usually bury my head in my hands and pray asking "WHY?!" Its then that I find strength to pick up my screaming tantrum throwing two year old and let him bury his face in my shoulder and wipe his sticky boogers all over my shoulder.  (And yes, I go to the grocery store with the dried boogers on my shoulder because its kind of like an award.  An awkwardly gross award saying, "I made it through a tantrum and my son still loves me and trusts me enough to hold him while he cries." or most likely I forgot and the award thing sounded good!) 

Its the moments when he has little conversations with me, or sings songs with me, or puts his little feet in our shoes and tries to walk, that I truly cherish!  I love his little crooked smile, and his sweet little giggle when he is being silly.  I love when he plays big brother and tries to comfort his screaming sister.  I love when he is shy and buries his head in my leg.  I love his love for the outdoors and his curiosity.  I love finding a trail of cars throughout my house and I love when he runs to me when I've been out of site for longer than 30 seconds screaming, "Ahhh, mamaa!! Darwa! (There you are)"  I love how he chews on his suckers like me and wants to snuggle up in my arms anytime we watch a movie. 

So when I claimed, "I'm done being a mom" I instantly regretted it because I knew all of the good moments I cherish...I wouldn't trade those for ANYTHING!  I felt like any mother who has lost a child would slap me and say "Take it back!"  And I did!  I wouldn't trade being a mom!  I love it!  I'll take the sleepless nights, and my unkept self along with my toy scattered house...I'll take that boogered shoulder, because those are things I don't want to live without!  Because if I did, it would mean I'd live without him...and I just can't.  I'll take what I've been given and love it!