Boogers on my shoulders

Last night, or I guess I should say this morning, I crawled into bed, exhausted and frustrated, and said, "I am SOOO done! I am done being a mom!"  I knew I didn't mean it, but at that moment in time, I was done.  I then nudged Trevor as if passing off the reins and he knew it was his turn to take Ryker.  So I write this post to redeem myself from my awful claim of being done.  

See, I love LOVE love being a mom! I love it more than I could have ever dreamed!  I love the quiet moments when both kids are happy and I am well groomed, make up done and my house is clean. I feel accomplished.  Its those incredibly rare moments that make me feel like, "I can do this! I can have 4 more kids!"  and then I laugh cause that thought only lasts 2.2 until I try and sneak in a cat nap...which is also rare.

Side note: Let me explain my incredibly picky toddler and maybe you moms out there can send some advice my way.  If Ryker doesn't eat, he is MEAN! Like super mean and SO whiny.  He whines over EVERYTHING!  If he doesn't eat dinner, then he wakes up at 3 or 4 am SCREAMING bloody murder along with the side of MEAN!  So I try and make sure he fills up on anything I can get in his little tummy before bedtime so he sleeps good and wakes up happy.  Unfortunately he is super picky.

Throwing a tantrum in the hospital...
but this is how it usually looks.

Once upon a time, he was a great eater! THE END! Then he became an independent toddler and now he will ask for a particular food (after I've offered what I made over and over), I'll give it to him, he'll take a bite and spit it out.   ???  I am so stumped.  If I offer him something else, he won't even look at it.  He won't even taste it!  I've been praying my brains out that he'll be open to trying things, but Heavenly Father I guess has something for me to learn.  I've even tried the, "if you don't eat, you go to bed hungry..." which takes me to my previous paragraph...Mr Meany.

So I'm in a bit of a dilemma.  If he doesn't eat, he wakes up SUPERMAN MEAN...and wont go back to bed until he wears himself out, which is usually about the time I need to get ready to open the office...

Ok, my vent is over.  I think you got the idea...Ryker doesn't eat which leads to him not sleeping well which leads to a little mean boy which leads to an overtired, over exhausted mama!  On to my redemption.

Look! 

Its the moments like now, where I have peapod in her swing, and little man still in his Thomas the Train jammies, coming up and slapping me, grabbing my keyboard and trying to type my post for me, that I cherish.  Its the moment when I look like my brother because I have no makeup on and my wet hair slicked back.  Its the times that drive me absolutely crazy that I can cherish...because I feel like Heavenly Father is saying, "You are ready to learn something new!"  Even though I usually bury my head in my hands and pray asking "WHY?!" Its then that I find strength to pick up my screaming tantrum throwing two year old and let him bury his face in my shoulder and wipe his sticky boogers all over my shoulder.  (And yes, I go to the grocery store with the dried boogers on my shoulder because its kind of like an award.  An awkwardly gross award saying, "I made it through a tantrum and my son still loves me and trusts me enough to hold him while he cries." or most likely I forgot and the award thing sounded good!) 

Its the moments when he has little conversations with me, or sings songs with me, or puts his little feet in our shoes and tries to walk, that I truly cherish!  I love his little crooked smile, and his sweet little giggle when he is being silly.  I love when he plays big brother and tries to comfort his screaming sister.  I love when he is shy and buries his head in my leg.  I love his love for the outdoors and his curiosity.  I love finding a trail of cars throughout my house and I love when he runs to me when I've been out of site for longer than 30 seconds screaming, "Ahhh, mamaa!! Darwa! (There you are)"  I love how he chews on his suckers like me and wants to snuggle up in my arms anytime we watch a movie. 

So when I claimed, "I'm done being a mom" I instantly regretted it because I knew all of the good moments I cherish...I wouldn't trade those for ANYTHING!  I felt like any mother who has lost a child would slap me and say "Take it back!"  And I did!  I wouldn't trade being a mom!  I love it!  I'll take the sleepless nights, and my unkept self along with my toy scattered house...I'll take that boogered shoulder, because those are things I don't want to live without!  Because if I did, it would mean I'd live without him...and I just can't.  I'll take what I've been given and love it!

 

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The Story!!!

Hey Ya'll!!

Well the last post was when I was 38 and a half weeks, and well that was 5 weeks ago! Can you believe it?
Obviously I am no longer pregnant and I am here to tell my story! You ready for some TMI?  I am.

I had been contracting a lot the week before and some of them would be timeable. I think the morning of my last doctors appointment I had been having contractions and almost woke Trevor up to take me to the hospital.   But then I laid on a heating pad and fell asleep, so obviously was not in labor even though I hurt!  I went to my dr appt and was at a 5!! WAHOO! I came home and Trevor said we needed to go on a walk and get things going.  Well, I had already done 5 apartment checkouts, climbed ladders, and cleaned a couple units, so I was feeling confident I didn't need to walk!  I was actually trying to hold out for one more day cause the 12th was move in day and I just had a lot to do! PLUS, I had just got a pattern to do Brinly's blessing dress and wanted to get that done.

Exhausted from the busy day, I went to bed expecting to wake up to move in day and go about my business.  Instead I woke up at 2:30 and peed...like usual.  About half hour or an hour later, I thought I peed the bed! AHH! I jumped up and wasn't sure what to do! "Trevor..." I gasped!! "I need a towel! My water broke!" He jumped out of bed and grabbed a towel while I stood in between my bed and dresser trying to figure out what I should do...run to the bathroom or wait for a towel.  I stood on the towel since Trevor was speedy quick and when I looked up Trevor was dressed and ready to go. Haha.  I told him I needed to call the hospital and he needed to call his mom.

I called the hospital and the nurse said, "Well the baby isn't coming yet, so take your time, shower and come in when you can."  So I was calmed and reassured baby girl wasn't going to pop out.  On the other hand, Trevor was packing, stressed and about woke up Ryker when he looked at me confused.  "I'm going to shower and get ready." Haha.  We waited for Connie and my contractions were starting.  I was in and out of the bathroom as I was soaking every pad I wore...UGH! How annoying!  45 minutes later we were on our way to the hospital to make sure I hadn't peed my pants and that my water had really broke.

The nurse, Sadie, checked me and weird enough, the test paper had checked there was amniotic fluid and that there wasn't.  She was a little confused and checked again and same thing.  So she called the dr and he advised to just keep me a little longer.  My contractions became irregular and so it looked as though I wasn't in labor.  HMM.  My new nurse, Jill, came in and said, I am going to give you an IV so that we can keep you! :) Secretly, I thought, "I LOVE YOU!!"  I seriously had THE best nurse! She was awesome.  I had told her my concerns for the epidural, and my labor horror fears with Ryker, and she said, "We are going to make this awesome! Don't you worry!" Maybe not those exact words, but thats what I heard!

I told her I wanted the epidural before contractions hurt and she got the shot lady (I don't know how to spell the real word, hence "shot lady").  Dr Lovell came in and tried to see if he could break my water and LOW and BEHOLD, my water was broke already! Hmm, go figure, I didn't pee the bed! :) He told me to wait til 1 so he could deliver, otherwise I'd have to have Dr. Meredith, who I originally wanted anyway!

I got my epidural and as awkward as it was sitting indian style bent over and HUGE belly in my way, I was grateful to know I would soon be pain free!  I even heard a newborn cry in my most painful moment, and I chanted, "Its worth it!! Its worth it!"The shot lady was concerned because I had mentioned my last experience and she asked me several times if I was sure I wanted the epidural.  Finally, I said, YES!! I AM SURE! SHOOT ME UP!!  :)  Well, my right side went numb! But then my left side followed suit as before and I could feel all my contractions on that side.  Annoying right?  So I called Jill and she had a stronger dose administered to me and had me lay on my left side...soon enough I felt like an elephants foot and it was FABULOUS!!! I could finally relax and sleep! Heaven! WHO doesn't want to sleep at 9 months pregnant? I did!

About an hour later (10:30 ish am) she came in and checked me.  She looked at me and my half asleep self and said, "Guess where you are?"  I said, "8?" She said, "higher!!"  I smiled and she said, "we are going to have a baby with in an hour!  I don't think you are going to be waiting til 1!"  Dr. Meredith, super awesome doc, came in and suited up.  Peeked under the covers and said, "ooohhh, look, shes coming!  There is her head! Don't push yet!"  Trevor and Jill jumped over and sure enough, baby was on her way!

Trevor and Jill held my legs and counted and I pushed 6 times...3 per contraction.  My last push Dr. Meredith looked at Trevor and said, "You want to deliver her?"  Trevor jumped over shocked and with the Docs help, he delivered his little girl!  She screamed and it was Heaven...it was like my own personal angel singing!  They placed her on my chest and I cried as I kissed her sweet little, white goopy head.  :)  Then the nurses swooped her away and Trevor flocked to his little girl.  I watched the amazing nurses clean her, weigh her and Trevor fall in love.  Trevor was snapping pics and brought the camera back to me so I could see my little girl.  I asked him, "Shes a girl right?"  She looked EXACTLY like Ryker!! He smiled and said, "I didn't look, but I think so!" haha.

Soon enough, my piece of Heaven was tucked in my gown and we snuggled skin to skin.  I thought, "So this is how a perfect delivery feels!"  Little Brinly Megan, born at 11:14 am, weighing 6 lbs 14 oz 19 1/2 inches long.  We enjoyed our visitors at the hospital, the amazing ward and family who brought dinners, and well, 5 weeks has almost arrived and I can't believe it!

She has been a good baby! She obviously does what all babies do, but she is so special and I don't care about the frustrating moments when she is snuggled up on my chest.  Everything else seems minute!  She sleeps fairly well through the night.  Eats ALL the time and loves to snuggle!

As for my little Rykee, he was extremely jealous at first.  He was the first one to meet her and he saw me holding her and looked at me like I had betrayed him.  He wouldn't have anything to do with me or her for the first couple hours...then when he woke up from his nap he snuggled with me.  He is getting more and more patient with her every day.  Just last night she was crying in her swing while I was trying to help Trevor install a fan.  He walked over to her and said, "Binly..u fiiiine.  Binly, U fiine" over and over.  When she cries he thinks he needs to hold her and will say, "Hold youee, Hold youeee!" and then run to the couch so he can hold her.

As of yesterday, Brinly weighed 9 lbs 10 oz.  She is growing and gaining weight like a champ and is changing too quickly!  She is so beautiful in every way and I am grateful to have her in our family!

For me, I am surviving.  :) For what I thought would be an easy semester for Trevor has turned into his absence at home..again.  I look forward to July, when it will be over and I will have him home for 7 weeks!! Until then, I bought myself a double stroller so I can enjoy the beautiful weather and try my hand at running again.  I won't post any pics here cause there are too many and I'm sure you've seen them all on Facebook. Trevor has a sweet obsession with her and posts pics ALL the time.

Well, thats my story.  I'm glad I had time to FINALLY write it out before I forgot!

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